Here are some funny quotes from CVs received in the past, sounds like they could’ve done with reading out student CV tips before they fired off these applications!
- “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
- “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
- “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
- “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
- “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
- “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
- “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
- “Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
- “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
- “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
- “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
- “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
- “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
- “I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
- “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
- “My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
- “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
- “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
- “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
- “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
- “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
- “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
- “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
- “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
- “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
- “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
