Solving Arguments With Your Girlfriend / BoyfriendPosted: 26th of February 2015 by
As a couple, there are times when you will have arguments with each other, but these disagreements needn’t jeopardise your relationship, so long as you know how to approach the situation. When you find yourself in an argument with your other half it can be easy to let things blow up out of all proportion – but it is important not to let your emotions get the better of you and maintain a sense of perspective. This may seem easier said than done, especially in the heat of the moment, but the key is in recognising that there are two sides to the problem – the cause of the argument and your emotions. If you can separate the two you are already on the right path to solving the situation.
Your feelings about a situation or problem should not be confused with your feelings for your boy or girlfriend, they are two different things. You may be upset that your loved-one has not tidied up as they said they would. Here, you have two distinct problems – the tidying needs to be done, plus you need to maintain some perspective and not let this get in the way of your feelings for your partner. Rather than losing your temper, it is better to try and keep calm and have a productive talk about the situation – flying off the handle will certainly not help this to happen!
It might be worth taking a moment on your own to calm down if you feel your emotions are getting the better of you. You might also need to get away for a moment if your boy or girlfriend is getting heated too. Anger will get in the way of your ability to think clearly, empathise, and problem-solve. You both need to be calm enough to see the other person’s perspective and clearly state your own concerns – without casting blame!
By recognising your anger as something distinct from the situation itself you will stand a better chance of keeping it in check and tackling the real issue (the tidying up, in this instance!). Of course, you don’t want to break up over such a small thing, nor do you need to get into a heated argument over it, but you do need to resolve the problem at hand.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with their anger – taking a walk or even just breathing deeply for a few moments can help. It is worth letting your partner know how you prefer to deal with your anger (before you get into an argument) so that they understand when you suddenly say you need to go for a walk! Just walking out might seem odd or even seem to make matters worse unless your boy or girlfriend know why you are doing it. You might also want to (calmly) say, “I need to take a walk, let’s talk about this in a few minutes,” to let them know what is going on.
Once you have calmed down make sure you come back and address the situation. Just calming down and the ignoring the problem won’t solve it – you still need to address the situation or else it may well come back again later. That said, there might be some arguments that don’t need dissecting – especially if you can understand why they happened. If your loved one didn’t tidy up because they came home from work tired, you might decide you can understand their reasons and let it slide.
If you decide the situation is worth discussing make it a joint effort – something you work out between you both as a team. Don’t start blaming and putting up barriers between you both, instead of going against each other, try to work together to solve the problem. There shouldn’t be a winner and a loser, but a mutual understanding and consent. It is fine to express your feelings, but make sure you keep in mind that the issue is something that you can work on together.
Once the talking is done, take whatever action is needed to stop the same situation arising again in the future. However, there is another step that you can take to really help maintain your bond. Having calmed down and sorted out the problem make sure you do something together to reward yourselves for working the problem out. Watch a film together, cuddle up, or go out for dinner for example, whatever it is make sure to build up your bond – but only once you have resolved the issue. Otherwise you will just be papering over the cracks.
So, in summary, calm down, talk things through, work out a plan to solve the problem and act on it – and then reward yourselves together to build your bond back up again. Simple!
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